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> > One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in
> >a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you
> >want.' So he tied her up and went golfing.
> >
> > *****************************************
> > A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
> >into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
> >'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
> > The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
> >mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ********************************************
> > Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
> >the other is a husband.
> >
> >
> > *************************************
> > A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> >First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test . The optician showed
> >him a card with the letters
> >
> >
> > 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician
> >asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
> >
> >
> > ***********************************************
> > Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I
> >must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
> >'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonay. '
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > ********************************************
> > A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
> >husband.Suddenly, her husband burst in! to th e kitchen. 'Careful,' he
> >said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too
> >many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh
> >my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK!
> >Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
> >cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
> >mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
> >Use the! salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in
> >the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of
> >eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels
> >like when I'm driving.'
> >
> >
> >
> > ***************************************************************
> > Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man,
> >was drafted by the Army. On his! firs t day in basic training, the Army
> >issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> >On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the
> >Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued
> >him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
 
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