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I have personal experience with the "Never trust a fart" business...I think the edict should extend to those 35 and up...just saying....
 

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wapiti67 said:
I have personal experience with the "Never trust a fart" business...I think the edict should extend to those 35 and up...just saying....
Me too! I was on the treadmill one morning with an unusually amount of guttural activity going on. All morning long I had been tooting away with no problem at all. I was about ten minutes into my workout when the urge hit again. I thought nothing of it and pushed hard to evacuate the pending flatus. Wrong! I sharted down both legs and all over the treadmill. I was going at a pretty good clip too so the spinning force of the treadmill belt spun the shat all over the wall behind me. In an instant me, the treadmill, and the walls all had a big wide brown shat stripe. Not good! I'm just glad I wasn't at a public gym at the time...

I used to trust em, not any more!
 

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TEX-O-BOB said:
wapiti67 said:
I have personal experience with the "Never trust a fart" business...I think the edict should extend to those 35 and up...just saying....
Me too! I was on the treadmill one morning with an unusually amount of guttural activity going on. All morning long I had been tooting away with no problem at all. I was about ten minutes into my workout when the urge hit again. I thought nothing of it and pushed hard to evacuate the pending flatus. Wrong! I sharted down both legs and all over the treadmill. I was going at a pretty good clip too so the spinning force of the treadmill belt spun the shat all over the wall behind me. In an instant me, the treadmill, and the walls all had a big wide brown shat stripe. Not good! I'm just glad I wasn't at a public gym at the time...

I used to trust em, not any more!
:lol: See , there ya go . ANother reason not to work out. :lol:
 

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Discussion Starter · #25 ·
sawsman said:
A short blast of gas doesn't linger long, but leaving your plasta next to a tree or bush can stink the area up for days.. :O•-:
Laying a patch of morning glory would definitely cantaminate an area for a while. :O•-:
 

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NHS said:
OKEE said:
Short piece of garden hose would make a good elk bugle :mrgreen: with a little practice to hit the high notes. :p
Now we're talking! If someone came up with the correctly shaped reed, and a feller could develop proper sphincter control.....WALLA! You'd have yourself a hands free cow call!! You'd just have to be extra careful to not confuse it with your mouth reed. That might be easy to do when sitting on a game trail in the dark.
:O||: I think we are on to something NHS.We could make millions with are own line of calls. Each call would include a free latex glove -_O- .
 

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TEX-O-BOB said:
wapiti67 said:
I have personal experience with the "Never trust a fart" business...I think the edict should extend to those 35 and up...just saying....
Me too! I was on the treadmill one morning with an unusually amount of guttural activity going on. All morning long I had been tooting away with no problem at all. I was about ten minutes into my workout when the urge hit again. I thought nothing of it and pushed hard to evacuate the pending flatus. Wrong! I sharted down both legs and all over the treadmill. I was going at a pretty good clip too so the spinning force of the treadmill belt spun the shat all over the wall behind me. In an instant me, the treadmill, and the walls all had a big wide brown shat stripe. Not good! I'm just glad I wasn't at a public gym at the time...

I used to trust em, not any more!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Holy ****, please tell me this is a true story. I just lmfao. :mrgreen: I laughed so hard my wife asked my why I was laughing. So I told her, We are both still laughing as I type this. :mrgreen: :mrgreen:

On a side note, I don't know that I would have told that one. :lol:
 

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Tex's story reminds me of the night I became a true missionary on my mission, almost made it the full two years, but two weeks shy....fortunately we slept in hammocks, which are much easier to clean. Fortunately, there was not a spinning belt below me to flip it all over.
 

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OK...alright...this thread is finally taken off...come on boys, keep the "how I shat myself" stories coming :D

When I was a young lad working for the old Theater Candy Company, we had an old guy, Bill Wilson was his name, that was a big believer in the motto, "never take a crap on your own time". Every morning old Bill would rush in the back door and head straight to the can and take his morning constitutional. On Monday mornings he'd be in there a good half 'n hour cause I know he would religiously keep the faith and never crap on his own time...and we was closed weekends. One particularly stormy Monday morning the traffic was running real slow and I can still see old Bill sticking just his head in the back door and yellin at Kenny, the boss,..."Kenny, I'll be back in a bit"...Bill finally took that crap on his own time. :D
 

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Does a big game hunter poo in clumps or pebbles? From the sounds of it, most around here are more like soft serve icecream.
 

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Discussion Starter · #32 ·
NHS said:
Does a big game hunter poo in clumps or pebbles? From the sounds of it, most around here are more like soft serve icecream.
Some days it just isn't your day.

One of the funniest stories I recall though involved my stepdad. One day while out hunting he said he needed some time to himself and wondered off into the trees. When he left he was wearing a pretty normal outfit meaning jeans, a flannel shirt, and some low top hikers with wool socks. When he came back he was wearing daisy dukes (and I mean SHORT!!!) and had no socks on. We didn't know whether to laugh or ask him if we was accosted by some sort of mountain rapist. Perhaps he was into some stuff I wasn't aware of. Eventually we busted up laughing and asked him just what in the hell happened to him. He just grumbled that he was heading back to camp. Later he finally admitted he had a rough situation and sharted all over himself and ended up burying his undies, his socks, and cutting off his pant legs. I guess coming back looking like some sort of mountain cross dresser was better than the embarassment of being covered in shat. I would've paid $1000 for a camera at that moment!! It would be a family heirloom.
 

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TEX-O-BOB said:
wapiti67 said:
I have personal experience with the "Never trust a fart" business...I think the edict should extend to those 35 and up...just saying....
Me too! I was on the treadmill one morning with an unusually amount of guttural activity going on. All morning long I had been tooting away with no problem at all. I was about ten minutes into my workout when the urge hit again. I thought nothing of it and pushed hard to evacuate the pending flatus. Wrong! I sharted down both legs and all over the treadmill. I was going at a pretty good clip too so the spinning force of the treadmill belt spun the shat all over the wall behind me. In an instant me, the treadmill, and the walls all had a big wide brown shat stripe. Not good! I'm just glad I wasn't at a public gym at the time...

I used to trust em, not any more!
I thought you were never going to tell anybody this story...oh wait, I already did! Sorry buddy, you just can't trust me with info that good. Too funny!
 

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Quit editing my posts you simp! "Basterd" is not a cuss word! And neither is biotch, asz, dammit, tit, boob, cooter, shlong, or peckerhead! Especially on a thread like this one! :evil:

Leave the censorship at school or in church. :?
 

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So I have a legitimate question, at what age does sharting because a very big concern in your daily life? I need exact ages here so I know when I need to start paying closer attention. I have had too many close calls lately and I am worried my sphincter control isn't what it use to be. I fear I am quickly approaching this age. :oops: :mrgreen:
 

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From what I have read on the Internet, it all depends on your sexual preferences.
 

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Jahan, this can happen at any age.

I remember a time, back in a small college dorm room in Pennsylvania many years ago. Eight or so guys were crammed in there watching two guys play Madden football on the old Sega Genesis. Dave, one of the residents of the room, lay on the couch in nothing but boxer shorts, sick as a dog from the flu/stomach virus that he tried to combat with 15-20 cups of Old Milwaukee beer from a warm keg the previous night.

Dave decided to be a gentlemen and climb up to the top bunk in the room to free up some couch space for others to sit.

What a guy.

As he climbed up with his back facing all of us, we heard the words that would be etched into our minds forever: "F*ck, I just sh*t myself!"

Of course we immediately look up to see something that was later described as a scene from a Bounty paper towel commercial as poor Dave's boxer shorts became completely saturated with what was just seconds before, safely contained within his bowels.

Dave was 19 years old at the time. This can happen to anyone at anytime.
 

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jahan said:
So I have a legitimate question, at what age does sharting because a very big concern in your daily life? I need exact ages here so I know when I need to start paying closer attention. I have had too many close calls lately and I am worried my sphincter control isn't what it use to be. I fear I am quickly approaching this age. :oops: :mrgreen:
Jahan, age does not define sphincter control, sphincter control defines age. Lose one...gain the other :D
 
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