'Hell' as Explained by a Chemistry Student
The following is an actual question given on a University of Arizona
chemistry mid-term, and an actual answer turned in by a student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it
with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat)
Endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time.
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the
rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely..
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will
not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving!!
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
Many of these religions state that if you are not a member of their
religion, you will go to Hell.
Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not
belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls
in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's
Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay
the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls
enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until
all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in
Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year
that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take
into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two
must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,
....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being
which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.