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Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!
Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...
or that you could crawl into a hole?
Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word... he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with mens balls"

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving
"right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this nlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean. The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ? This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better, thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think be fore she speaks. What happens when you predict snow but don't get any! We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh ! and remember we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak!
 

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Pretty funny;

Now a true story. The ex worked at Crocker Bank in Lemon Grove California back in the 70's. It was a friday payday and the line was out the door. A mother and her young son was waiting in line. The young boy became restless and started acting out a bit. The mother got frustrated with him and told him to behave. Well he didn't , so she grabbed him by the arm and marched him over to one of the chairs in the lobby. She picked him up by both arms and strongly set him down in the chair and told him to behave . Well it caught everyones attention when the little boy started to cry and loudly stated ' NOW YOU HAVE DONE IT, YOU BROKE BOTH MY BALLS". :oops: -)O(- The little boy stood up out of the chair and reached in his back pocket and pulled out two ping-pong balls. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Everyone in line bust out laughing. One older gentleman walked over and gave the boy a few bucks to buy an ice cream and replace his two broken balls.
 

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Not near as funny but one I wish I could take back.

I work at a manufacturing company. I was in the tool crib picking up some stuff and stopped to B.S. with a freind who worked in there. A guy walked in behind me and stood behind me waiting until I was done. I turned slightly and told him he could go ahead. I continued talking to my freind and several minutes later I realized the guy was still standing behind me. So I turned again and told him a little louder that he could go ahead. Well several more minutes of conversation passed and he was still standing there waiting to get some tools. Growing impatient with him I turned and almost yelling said right to his face this time. " What the H#)) are you deaf go ahead."

In a slow slurred voice he looked back at me and said "Yeeesss"

I could have crawled in hole. He was a good sport and I still know him to this day. Everyone around had a good laugh at my expense.
 

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My wife worked as a waitress for a few years. With all the girls chattering ( you know how they do ) the conversation led to sex. When the manager overheard them he asked them to tone it down, he didn't like to hear talk about sex cause it put a nasty taste in his mouth..

He was the 1st counselor in his ward and my wife said she had never seen a person turn so red, so quick, once the laughing started... :)
 
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