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Words to ponder

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A few words to ponder...

For those who love silly sayings, ambiguities, idiosyncrasies of the English language, and horrid puns, read on...

1. Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.....

3. Atheism is a non-prophet religious affiliation...

4 The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

5. I went into a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

6. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

7. If a deaf person signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

8. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

10. Where do forest rangers go to 'get away from it all?'
11. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

12. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

13. Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

14 Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will go in there and clean them?

15. Should vegetarians think twice about eating animal crackers?

16. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

17. Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?

18. What was the best thing before sliced bread?

19. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.

20. Does the little mermaid wear an alge-bra?

21. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

22. How is it possible to have a civil war?

23. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, could you possibly still be hungry?

24. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

25. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it?

26. Why are hemorrhoids called 'hemorrhoids' instead of 'assteroids'?

27. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?

28. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

29 If you spin an oriental person in a circle three times do they become disoriented?

30. Can an atheist get insurance against acts of GOD?
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